A Big Fucking Deal...
Wow, last week’s email really struck a cord, didn’t it?
The Voice of Doubt seems to be a pretty Big Fucking Deal for you.
It seems to be quick to tell you that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or doing enough at work.
It shows up before events that “should” be joyous occasions and makes us wonder “What if I mess up or say the wrong thing?”
Stupid Anxiety 😩
So are you enjoying this ride called life from the comfort of the Safety Zone?
Anxiety loves getting it’s way by keeping you stuck in that confined place by using fear and self doubt and any other mental block it can come up with to convince you that the Safety Zone is awesome.
It keeps you from taking risks and reaping the rewards that might come from living a life outside of the Safety Zone.
Here's the thing, though, some part of you (maybe your Wise Mind or Intuition) knows that Anxiety is a Big Fucking Liar...AND...
That part of you has a desire to live outside of the Safety Zone, at least some of the time!
That part of you knows that playing it safe is not actually living 😳
Of course Anxiety does have a big roll of duct tape always ready to shut your Wise Mind up 🙄
Alright, so I could ramble on and on about this AND it’s time to share the truth:
Anxiety is an asshole and it will be attempting to keep you in the Safety Zone for the rest of your boring life...if you let it!
So how do you talk back to Anxiety and embrace this one wild and crazy and beautiful life that you have?
(OK so how many of you are ready to hit Delete right now? Has Anxiety and it’s VOD convinced you that I’m bat shit crazy and that you are to have nothing to do with me from this day forward ?)
The antidote for Anxiety is Action folks.
Plain and simple.
You hear the voice telling you to stick with the boring job AND you ask for a promotion or start your own business anyway.
You hear the VOD telling you that you don’t have enough knowledge so you have to take one more course before you offer your services or start your business AND you offer your service or start your business planning right then and there (without reading one more book, listening to one more podcast, or signing up for one more class).
You hear the VOD telling you that you are going to hurt someone's feelings or be judged or feel stupid so keep quiet AND you step up and speak the truth and see where that leads.
OK, so I know you are overwhelmed and freaking out right now 😳
Guess what? That’s totally O.K.
All that “freaking out” energy can be put to better use.
Taking action does not have to be overwhelming.
I work with people every day who take big steps and small steps and lots of middle sized steps. The size of the step is not nearly so important as the taking of the step in the first place!
So, in the spirit of not taking one more class, listening to one more podcast, or even reading one more book or blog post, I am going to set an example for you and take a step....my VOD has been dealt with over the last couple of months and here goes my action step...
An idea has been percolating in my busy brain about offering a group or course that supports us anxious, Type A, overachieving and overdoing, introverted trying to “keep up” with extroverts, self-doubting, sensitive, sarcastic, stuck in our Safety Zone types.
There I said it out loud and now I want you to hold me accountable.
If I am going to show up in your inbox every week and share my crazy shit, then I am going to walk my talk, no matter how uncomfortable making my journey public may be!
Here is where you can get involved in this action step of mine. If I am going to create a kick ass course or group (or both) then I want to know what it is that you want.
Here is a link to a super short survey that I created (you know I don’t lie to you like Anxiety does....it is 4 questions and will take you about 3 minutes to complete) AND if you choose to answer the last optional question (your name and contact information) we can chat for up to 30 minutes of which about 15 minutes would be me asking you for more details AND the other 15 would be for you to pick my brain about any topic of your choice (yes, even whether having sex with my husband more often is actually my goal for 2018 😜)!
As an added bonus for choosing to take a moment to help me out, I am offering those who are interested an opportunity to get in on the ground floor of whatever wild and crazy course and/or group that is created for a fraction of the final cost.
I am all out of toasters, so if you were holding out for a toaster, you are shit out of luck 😜
Oh, and in case you who might be worrying (I crack myself up, we are all worriers, so of course you are worrying 🤣) I am not going anywhere! I am committed to keep showing up weekly in your inbox and rambling on and on about all kinds of Anxiety related Awesomeness 😍😘
I think for most of us we can wrap our head around the idea that we fear failure. Who wants to look like an ass, feel embarrassed, or face our family and friends (or the general public) when we attempt to do something and it does not work out as planned? I sure as hell don’t!
But what if our fear of failure is really fear of success in disguise?
Say what? That’s just crazy talk…..or is it?
I left you to ponder that our “voice of doubt” (you know the one that shows up immediately and automatically, no matter whether you are doing something for the first time or whether you have been performing your job for 30 years) is the one that we listen to rather than all of the accolades that we receive from our family, friends, colleagues, bosses, strangers on the street, or awesome folks from your e-mail list who hit reply and tell you just how much this week’s email spoke to them 😜
Now, I know you are having a hard time believing that I have a “VOD” and that it shows up regularly.
Maybe your “VOD” is wanting to use this as a way to get you to stop reading my stuff (remember Anxiety wants you all to itself so will look for opportunities to tell you that you are reading lies…) AND I can tell you that my Anxiety in the form of my VOD tells me to NOT share things like how hard I have struggled with writing these e-mails each week.
“Who are you to tell people about how to deal with their Anxiety?”
“No one wants to read your crazy shit!”
“You are going to offend people by writing “crazy shit” 🙄
“You are going to run out of things to say”…
So here’s the deal. Yes, all of this stuff runs through my head (often at about 5am) AND I know that while it appears to be Fear of Failure (looking like an Ass kind of stuff) that it is really tied into Fear of Success…
If I were to actually embrace thoughts and feedback like:
“I know what I am talking about!”
“I have a lifetime of experience dealing with Anxiety AND actual training and shit!"
“You are the expert in Anxiety, Our Guru!”
...then I would have to actually step up to the plate and be willing to hit a home run.
And what would that mean?
Here’s where we psych ourselves out. It would mean that not only would we get the “glory” of success (which seems kind of fabulous to some degree), it would also mean that (for those of us who may be more introverted, sensitive, or reserved) we might actually have to deal with more responsibility than we really want or think that we can handle!
Deep in our subconscious we have beliefs about what would happen if we actually stood up to bat and struck out (let the team and the fans down, feel embarrassed) AND about what would happen if we actually hit a home run (the crowd goes wild, you are in the spotlight).
On the surface we think we want the later; however, we so often let our Anxiety and “VOD” convince us that we actually don’t want either. We just want to sail along in the Safety Zone.
Is your “VOD” just another way that your stupid Anxiety shows up?
Does it get your panties in a wad around fearing failure AND success?
Does it just want to keep you “in your place”?
(Damn it! Once again I have been going on and on and I am running out of time before I am pounced on by an eight year old…)
So I’m going to let you ponder some more….
Why would it do that?
Because it thinks it’s job is to keep you safe...
Failure and Success are outside of the Safety Zone!
Alright, so hit reply and let me know if any of this shit is resonating with you 😳
My goal for next week is to share how I deal with and talk back to my “VOD” and Anxiety 😬
I’m going to confess something to you:
I, Auntie Anxiety, am an email hoarder 😬
As I write this I am taking a break from working on one of my goals (not resolutions, because, say it with me now, "Fuck Resolutions" 😜) to get better systems in place which will make my life easier (this the “Why" that I keep referring to when I want to quit my project of dealing with the 11,000 emails in my inbox and give into the Anxiety around losing an important email and just leave them all there 😫).
Now, you may be asking yourself “Why did you choose a goal around systems rather than having more sex with you husband?” and my first response might be “None ya’ business Nosey 😜”, but my second response would be “Having personal and business goals are both important!”
With any goal that we set, the important part is to answer the “Why?” for ourselves. My “Why” is part of walking my talk. I encourage clients to have systems in place to make their lives easier, so it is important for me to walk that talk too!
That being said, I want to throw something else at you today:
Part of me did not want to share this goal with you.
I was going to just complete this project and pretend like it never happened.
This email hoarding “issue” was going to be a secret that I was going to take to my grave. You know why?
Because sometimes I feel like a fraud, a fake, an imposter.
Yep, Anxiety loves to taunt me with this one. It will get in my ear when I am struggling with something and whisper, “You don’t know what you are talking about. The fraud police are going to show up at your door and haul you away. Then all of your friends and family and clients will know you don’t have a clue.”
It sucks! I have confidence about so many things, but Anxiety knows it can get me with this one.
Every. Single. Time. 😣
The good news? I know how to talk back. I know how to NOT reassure myself, but rather how to actually tell Anxiety to "Bite Me" and to get back to just being me, flaws and all.
See, knowing that you are not a fake, fraud, or imposter has to come from inside, not from outside. How many times have your parents, friends, teachers, professors, bosses, colleagues, or other people who “know” you tell you how wonderful you are? And how many times have to thought to yourself, “If you only knew?”
No one else can tell us who we are. We have to discover, accept, and embrace ourselves for ourselves!
How do we do that? We start by recognizing that the voice of doubt is coming out of the mouth of Anxiety as a way to “protect” us from those nasty feelings of failure. If we just go ahead and feel like a failure, then, when we are found out by the fraud police, it won’t hurt so much….
Ponder that for a bit…I have some emails to attend to 😘
The voice behind Auntie Anxiety is Lynn Dutrow, Courage Coach and Counselor