I think for most of us we can wrap our head around the idea that we fear failure.  Who wants to look like an ass, feel embarrassed, or face our family and friends (or the general public) when we attempt to do something and it does not work out as planned?  I sure as hell don’t!

But what if our fear of failure is really fear of success in disguise?


 Say what?  That’s just crazy talk…..or is it?

I left you to ponder that our “voice of doubt”  (you know the  one that shows up immediately and automatically, no matter whether you are doing something for the first time or whether you have been performing your job for 30 years) is the one that we listen to rather than all of the accolades that we receive from our family, friends, colleagues, bosses, strangers on the street, or awesome folks from your e-mail list who hit reply and tell you just how much this week’s email spoke to them 😜

Now, I know you are having a hard time believing that I have a “VOD” and that it shows up regularly.  
Maybe your “VOD” is wanting to use this as a way to get you to stop reading my stuff (remember Anxiety wants you all to itself so will look for opportunities to tell you that you are reading lies…) AND I can tell you that my Anxiety in the form of my VOD tells me to NOT share things like how hard I have struggled with writing these e-mails each week.

“Who are you to tell people about how to deal with their Anxiety?”  

“No one wants to read your crazy shit!” 

“You are going to offend people by writing “crazy shit” 🙄

“You are going to run out of things to say”…

So here’s the deal.  Yes, all of this stuff runs through my head (often at about 5am) AND I know that while it appears to be Fear of Failure (looking like an Ass kind of stuff) that it is really tied into Fear of Success…

If I were to actually embrace thoughts and feedback like:
“I know what I am talking about!”
“I have a lifetime of experience dealing with Anxiety AND actual training and shit!"
“You are the expert in Anxiety, Our Guru!” 
...then I would have to actually step up to the plate and be willing to hit a home run.

And what would that mean?
  
Here’s where we psych ourselves out.  It would mean that not only would we get the “glory” of success (which seems kind of fabulous to some degree), it would also mean that (for those of us who may be more introverted, sensitive, or reserved) we might actually have to deal with more responsibility than we really want or think that we can handle!

Deep in our subconscious we have beliefs about what would happen if we actually stood up to bat and struck out (let the team and the fans down, feel embarrassed) AND about what would happen if we actually hit a home run (the crowd goes wild, you are in the spotlight).

On the surface we think we want the later; however, we so often let our Anxiety and “VOD” convince us that we actually don’t want either.  We just want to sail along in the Safety Zone.

Is your “VOD” just another way that your stupid Anxiety shows up?  
Does it get your panties in a wad around fearing failure AND success?  
Does it just want to keep you “in your place”? 

(Damn it!  Once again I have been going on and on and I am running out of time before I am pounced on by an eight year old…)

So I’m going to let you ponder some more….

Why would it do that?

Because it thinks it’s job is to keep you safe...
AND
Failure and Success are outside of the Safety Zone!
Alright, so hit reply and let me know if any of this shit is resonating with you 😳
 AND 

My goal for next week is to share how I deal with and talk back to my “VOD” and Anxiety 😬

I’m going to confess something to you:

I, Auntie Anxiety, am an email hoarder 😬

As I write this I am taking a break from  working on one of my goals (not resolutions, because, say it with me now, "Fuck Resolutions" 😜) to get better systems in place which will make my life easier (this the “Why" that I keep referring to when I want to quit my project of dealing with the  11,000 emails in my inbox and give into the Anxiety around losing an important email and just leave them all there 😫).

Now, you may be asking yourself “Why did you choose a goal around systems rather than having more sex with you husband?” and my first response might be “None ya’ business Nosey 😜”, but my second response would be “Having personal and business goals are both important!”

With any goal that we set, the important part is to answer the “Why?” for ourselves.  My “Why” is part of walking my talk.  I encourage clients to have systems in place to make their lives easier, so it is important for me to walk that talk too!

That being said, I want to throw something else at you today:

Part of me did not want to share this goal with you.  

I was going to just complete this project and pretend like it never happened. 

This email hoarding “issue” was going to be a secret that I was going to take to my grave.  You know why?

Because sometimes I feel like a fraud, a fake, an imposter. 

Yep, Anxiety loves to taunt me with this one.  It will get in my ear when I am struggling with something and whisper, “You don’t know what you are talking about. The fraud police are going to show up at your door and haul you away. Then all of your friends and family and clients will know you don’t have a clue.” 

It sucks!  I have confidence about so many things, but Anxiety knows it can get me with this one.

Every. Single. Time. 😣

The good news? I know how to talk back.  I know how to NOT reassure myself, but rather how to actually tell Anxiety to "Bite Me" and to get back to just being me, flaws and all.

See, knowing that you are not a fake, fraud, or imposter has to come from inside, not from outside.  How many times have your parents, friends, teachers, professors, bosses, colleagues, or other people who “know” you  tell you how wonderful you are?  And how many times have to thought to yourself, “If you only knew?” 

No one else can tell us who we are.  We have to discover, accept, and embrace ourselves for ourselves! 

How do we do that?  We start by recognizing that the voice of doubt is coming out of the mouth of Anxiety as a way to “protect” us from those nasty feelings of failure.  If we just go ahead and feel like a failure, then, when we are found out by the fraud police, it won’t hurt so much….

Ponder that for a bit…I have some emails to attend to 😘